teenaged food issues while in my thirties

let's talk food, a favorite topic for mine. 

actually, let's talk binge eating. NOT a favorite topic of mine because i have some issues with food.

i've always had a "healthy" appetite. growing up i was an athlete and very active so i had a high metabolism and could pack away the food. it was amazing. it felt great to eat and eat and not put on a pound and still be "skinny". i always thought i ate a lot because i had to keep my energy up for all the activities i was involved with. but it seems that i have feelings that go along with overeating. oh boy! 

my eating habits and food issues seem to run deeper than i realize, and i'm finally figuring this shit out. good lord, i can't believe it's taken me this long to connect the dots. i should've put two and two together from my post about over eating on National Doughnut Day. but that's what i do, i over eat and don't think twice about it. i've always been okay with that philosophy, just ignore the problem. 

all my food issues are starting to catch up with me and my mid-thirties body. i should've realized this 10 years ago when we first moved to Austin. it's about time that i caught on to this. when we first moved here i was amazed by all the food options, especially the late night ones. back home, the 24 hour fast food restaurant didn't really exist. so after closing time we just went home, or if you were really hungry you could go to so some sit down restaurant (Perkins, Country Kitchen) but who wants to do that while drunk and tired because someone always passes out in the bathroom. i could just go home and make a box of Velveeta Shells and Cheese and devour the entire thing by myself.

for the past 10 years i packed on the pounds. tex-mex, bbq, fast food and beer is what's done me in, and my emotional state is the offender. at first i was emotional because of the move and living in a new city and state and having to make new friends and knowing no one -- only the boy. it's a lot harder than one would imagine making new friends (especially when i'm an introvert homebody). when that's followed by years of just having a good time and living like a teenager, it catches up with you. 

now i am in my thirties and my emotions are all over the place and this year, THIS YEAR has been a test of my convictions -- it's been a year of extreme lows and highs because some very good stuff has happened this year too. so for the past few months i've been binge eating and out of all the food options i have out there to binge on, i've chosen fast food (McDonald's is my main go-to). ugh! my stomach wants to kill me now because fast food, and my stomach and i never really got along in the first place. so now World War Three is taking place in my stomach, and i think i might die.

basically i need to get my shit together.