tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24174734186759247442024-03-13T12:24:44.605-05:00musings of a thirty-something nobodyJaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-59880582637663831552019-04-08T22:49:00.001-05:002019-04-08T22:49:47.150-05:00How are you Feeling?<i>Really</i> feeling?<br />
Me? Not so great.<br />
I'm all over the place these days--or in all actuality, these past few years. Goddess help us all or at least the hubs.<br />
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This getting older thing is a lot harder than I thought.<br />
Maybe I'm having a midlife crisis? I'm pretty sure I'm having a midlife crisis.<br />
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I remember having my quarter-life crisis. I remember lying in my bed in Austin, having pretty much the same thoughts that I am having now. What the fuck am I doing? What <i>should</i> I be doing? What do I want to be? What is the point of it all? But I didn't do anything about these thoughts then. I just pushed them down into the dark pit of my soul. And drank.<br />
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I told myself, "You're young. You have your whole life in front of yourself. You'll figure it out." I think I thought I was going to get my life together. I was part of a group of ladies that wanted to start a business. Isn't that what adults do? Start businesses? That collapsed and left a gaping hole that I ignored. So, I guess I am due for my midlife crisis now. I think it's a little early, but I also think this move to LA pushed it forward. It doesn't help that I am on the cusp of premenopause, so there are a lot of emotions to unpack.<br />
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Wait a sec, I thought we were talking about feelings?<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I like LA. I do. I swear. This move pushed me to actually examine my life. Something I was able to ignore while living in Austin. Oh Austin, the Neverland that it is/was (not sure if it is still that way having been removed for almost 4 years now). Now I have to come to terms with my endless cycle of shit jobs and my inability to be happy. Except for the hubs, he makes me happy.<br />
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Am I tying my self-worth to my job du jour? Yes, because that is what us Americans do. But why am I doing this to myself? A job is a job is a job. I do not have a "career," so why am I putting so much onto a job?<br />
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Why does this all come back to employment?<br />
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I think up until now, we (the hubs and me) have been living in this cocoon where we have been selfish. We have chosen a life where we can do whatever we want whenever we want because we have nothing tying us down. And I get angry because I shouldn't be stuck in a situation where I want to kill myself. Our choices up until now have been tailored so that I don't have to worry about low-paying jobs. We have made decisions specifically so that I don't have to be stuck somewhere where I don't want to be. But here I am in an endless cycle I hate. Why am I so unhappy? What can I do to change this cycle?<br />
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Here come the feelings.<br />
I feel stuck. Worthless. Lost. Helpless. Scared. Lonely. Tired.<br />
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I do not want to be a burden. On anyone. Maybe this is why I haven't sought out help yet. Maybe because I have done such a good job pushing down my feelings and figuring out how to cope on my own for so long that I thought I could work this out on my own. But I don't know if that is true any more. It scares me.<br />
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I feel like I fell into a dark pit and can't crawl back out. In the past, I've fallen into this pit and have been able to crawl back out. It was a struggle, I'd be covered in dirt, my nails caked with mud from clawing my way out, but today I just want to stay in the pit and ball up and cry. I want to give up, throw in the towel. I want the darkness to swallow me whole. I do not see anyway out. <br />
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Is this where you're at too?<br />
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XO<br />
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Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-53394119455095467922019-04-06T16:59:00.000-05:002019-04-06T16:59:28.261-05:00Job Hunting and the Pains it BringsI sit here crying and it's pathetic. I'm nearly 40 and I'm crying in bed because I didn't get a job.<br />
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This isn't any special job. It isn't my "dream job". It's your run of the mill crappy ass minimum wage job here in LA. It's a job that patted itself on the back for offering $16 an hour. For LA, that's barely scraping by but I guess you can say that it's a decent paying job. But I am 40! I should be making more that $16 an hour.<br />
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This job was ridiculous. "There may be raises, but that just depends", is what I was told. It was a BOH job for a retailer. So, the only perk was you didn't have to work directly with customers.<br />
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I knew this job would suck. I knew if I took this job the moment that I started it I would be on the hunt for another job. They were offering 40 hours a week, which was nice. It was 8 to 5, which was also nice. But the days off were split. Who does that?<br />
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So I sit here crying about not getting this job. Why?<br />
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These past 3 years here in LA have been rough. The jobs and the market have sucked. Or more specially they've sucked for individuals like myself, the lost and wandering at life. We just don't know what we want to be when we grow up. I just need a job, the kind that is okay enough that I don't want to kill myself every night.<br />
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Why am I having this fucking midlife crisis?<br />
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I feel like I missed something in adulthood. I missed the memo about how to go about getting jobs, finding jobs, liking jobs and staying at jobs.<br />
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I think that it doesn't help that I started out in the food service industry. Maybe that is where I failed at the beginning of it all. When your young you don't realize it at first. Hell, we have networks dedicated to cooking and food. There are blogs coming out of our asses about food and recipes. Where did I go wrong.<br />
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I do pastry and I loved it until I didn't.<br />
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Kitchen/bakery work is hard and extremely low paying. But those TV shows don't show you that. At a certain point the job becomes to much physically. It's a weird feeling lasting as long as I did in kitchens, especially if you don't take the management tract. You end up being managed by young twenty-somethings, which for myself I didn't mind, but you end up having to be the employee that is breaking in a new management teams time and time again and it's exhausting. You become a babysitter. But you stick it out because you love baking.<br />
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By the time you hit my age, most of the people that you ended up coming up with in kitchens are already out. For me, getting out has been the hardest thing ever.<br />
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When you start to look for a new job you begin to question everything about yourself. Especially if you haven't taken a specific tract for job growth. For people like me, who really don't know what they what to do when they grow up, they just need a job. But you can't tell that to anyone you're applying to. I just need a fucking job.<br />
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This is where the sad reality comes in. I spend my time crusin' the postings on Indeed, looking at jobs I know I can do, but after numerous failed interviews you begin to question your ability to function as an adult. It's not that hard to train someone in. I can answer your multi line phone system, but heaven forbid I haven't been working on one for five years. I think I can figure that out.<br />
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Right now I'm looking at admin jobs, but because I've spent most of my time in kitchens most places I apply too just assume I can't work in an office. Because I guess that's how it works, kitchen jobs = no other skills that can translate into other jobs.<br />
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I have made it to 40 by paying my bills, running a household, getting my lunch, answering the phone, greeting people, and traveling some of the world. I am a smart and capable adult. I too can do that for you. I know how to answer the phone and use the computer. Am I an expert on Excel? Fuck no, but I can learn how to use it quickly. Google is a pretty amazing thing. Do I have 3 to 5 years experience? No but again, I am capable of learning. I am not some house plant that can't learn.<br />
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I want to point out that the person you are looking for in that job listing wouldn't take your job for $15 an hour. Ugh. Don't get me started on these job descriptions and the pay. Your insane job posting that is the length of a novella expects me to do all these things for $15 or less with at least 5 years experience. We live in Los Angeles! You got to be kidding me.<br />
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But here I am crying after I didn't get one of these jobs. Low pay, split days off, a uniform, and employees that will all be in there 20's where I will be 40 in a few months.<br />
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This is my life. This is where I'm at. One crappy job after another. I went from the kitchen, to who knows whats next. Trying to pivot my "career" is like trying to convince people that I too can do brain surgery. But really, should I just take anything to get out? Continue this cycle of crappy jobs? Am I the only one in this cycle of hell? Am I being dramatic? Probably.<br />
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XO Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-59028173207853187962019-02-23T16:56:00.001-06:002019-02-23T16:59:29.236-06:00I'm Baaaaack!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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No, but really. I'm back.<br />
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It's been awhile. I don't know what I have been doing.<br />
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Lying around.<br />
Eating.<br />
Drinking.<br />
Watching TV.<br />
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I think that about covers it.<br />
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This is my feeble attempt to get back into writing.<br />
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I have things to say. You, my audience, need to be fed. I kid! I don't have things to say. I don't have an audience. I just need to get my musings out into the void that is the blog-sphere.<br />
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So, I am back.<br />
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I am still in Los Angeles. I am still married. I am still childless. In all actuality, nothing has changed. I have a new job and then another new job, that about sums it up.<br />
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I am poorly trying to figure out how to deal with this depression and a life that is not at all what I planned or expected. But aren't we all?<br />
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I'm just a gal trying to make it in this world, sadly.<br />
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Hang tight ladies and gents. I may be back in a timely manner. Fingers crossed.<br />
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XO<br />
<br />Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-8803506322483213652016-11-15T10:00:00.000-06:002017-12-31T17:22:33.469-06:00My Addiction to Online Shopping<div>
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I might be a bit over-dramatic because it could be a lot worse than it is. Some people out there have a real problem and need actual help. Still, this is a big problem for me right now, and I am telling myself that it is okay because I am fighting this depression in the most unhealthy ways with booze and shopping.</div>
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I would like to say, I am addicted to online shopping. The booze can be for another day.<br />
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I had never had this problem before. Sure, I am a member of Amazon Prime and have purchased stuff online from time to time in the past. Since moving to Los Angeles and this depression has hit me full force, I cannot keep myself from buying crap online. All. The. Time. </div>
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Don't get me wrong, I am a consumer. I always have been, but not to this extent. </div>
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I spent the better part of my early 20s buying crap that I really didn't need. I was that girl who would go to Target every week - you never know if you need something from Target. Good lord. I know I am not the only one out there visiting Target weekly. There has got to be something in the air at Target - they pump it in, and we need to come back weekly for it. But still, what are we thinking? How much crap from Target does a girl need? </div>
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I don't know if all this consumption was a need to feel like an adult after college, but buying stuff sure did help you feel like one. Purchasing all that stupid kitchen gadget crap helped fill that adult hole, along with all that weird outdoorsy/backyard equipment that we just might need, someday. I still have a cooler that I truly thought we needed because adults have coolers. We have only used it once.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I also spent a bunch of time trying out hobbies - and buying all the hobby supplies to go along with it, all new of course. I thought I would totally be into a hobby. Yeah, right. Again, I think it's some weird void that we need to fill. To have some sort of purpose to life. To keep us busy so we don't realize how much life truly sucks. So, before people start having kids and having these little humans occupying their time, they pick out some hobbies to busy themselves with in the meantime. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I, myself, tried sewing, kitting, crafting small pillow animals, painting, collageing and baking/cooking. Basically if it looked like it was something a Midwestern white girl would do from Pinterest, I was going to try it out. </span></div>
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Soon, I began to accept that fact that I am not a crafter/hobbier. I do not have a room in my home devoted to crafting, nor will I ever. When I thought I was going to be a crafter, I would go to Michael's or Hobby Lobby or JoAnn Fabrics and stock up on my supplies for my newest crafting venture. Then that shit would just sit in some random corner of our apartment, mocking me and my lazy ass. </div>
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It wasn't until I was in my 30s when I began to embrace my TV and movie watching, book reading, and drinking type of indoor-girl lifestyle. I don't need to craft. I don't need an entire room dedicated to my failed hobby attempts. And really, does anyone need a crafting room? When I look back at my crafting wannabe days, I think of just how shitty all that stuff looked. I get that crafts are things to occupy one's time, but I guess I prefer books and movies.</div>
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But I digress and I will some more.</div>
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In our 30s, the husband and I began to purge, slowly. I got rid of a lot of my shit, the husband on the other-hand is a bit of a horder so it was a tad harder on his end. Along the way I stopped shopping. I didn't need to go to Target once a week. And when we realized that we were going to make this move to Los Angeles, we knew that our living situation was going to change. We knew we were going to start out in a studio apartment. Thus, we began the big purge. </div>
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We got rid of pretty much everything. And it felt good. We didn't need to hold on to some old floppy disks. Hell, I don't know how we could look at what is on the old floppy disks. We had shit like that and it all needed to go.</div>
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But now I cannot stop shopping. Amazon has been my best friend. I feel like every week I need to buy something from them. I can't stop clothes shopping too. I do not need more clothes. We do not have the room or money for this lifestyle. Hell, I don't even have a job that requires me to wear nice clothes. I don't know if it is a void I am trying to fill but I feel like it is. Knowing that I have something waiting for me at my doorstep every night can get me through the day. I need to stop. </div>
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All I can think about now is how I want to buy a little radio. A radio! We do not need a radio. When we are in the car we don't even listen to the radio. But all I can think about is how I want one. I think, wouldn't it be nice to listen to the radio sometime. Good lord. Someone help me. Even as I sit here writing this, I pop onto Amazon and look at little radios. Why?</div>
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I know I am trying to fill a void that is inside of me. I just wish I could find something else to fill it with. Something a bit more healthy. Maybe like a hobby.</div>
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XO</div>
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P.S. - I'll never stop using Amazon Prime, ever.</div>
Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-52991878431686339932016-10-17T09:00:00.000-05:002017-12-31T17:23:21.905-06:00What's My Story?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I do not know what I am doing.<br />
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I do not have a plan for life.</div>
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I am confused. Sad. Scared. Unlike the fun inspirational saying, this wanderer is fucking lost. </div>
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I was looking through my Instagram feed when I noticed a slight change. Sitting there staring at me up in the left-hand corner is my avatar waiting for me to upload my story. My story! I sat there staring at the picture of myself stuffing my face with a Stroopwaffle when I began to have a minor panic attack. What is my story?</div>
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I have been teetering on life crisis for a while now. Realizing that the job I have been doing for the past decade - a job that many people go to a specialized school and take out a fortune in loans for - is not what I want to do. Luckily I never did take out the loans to go to one of these schools because this industry also loves to teach on the job - why oh why so many waste the money I'll never understand - but I digress. This isn't about the state of post-high-school vocational education. This is about me. I feel stuck, and I am beginning to resent the industry, which is making it even harder for me to respect my place of employment and my co workers. I hate everything about what I do. </div>
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I knew that my employment choice this past decade wasn't a high-paying one, but when we lived in Austin, it was easy to live on a lower wage. Now living in one of the most expensive cities in the US, this field of work isn't worth it. It isn't worth the stress, the hours, how physically demanding it is or its low wage. </div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My depression doesn't help either. I want to get up. I want to be an active member of society, but I cannot move. I am frozen in self pity and am utterly terrified. I am just an average girl who is an underachiever and who has perhaps hitched her wagon to her husband's dream. </span></div>
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So, what is my story?</div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I have tried a number of things in the past. I have tried and have failed at them all. At the time when I was thinking about doing something/trying this new thing, I would tell myself that I should try it. That failing is better than not trying. But is it really? I know that I can be easily influenced. Was I just a silly puppy dog following someone else who had a dream because I didn't have any of my own?</span></div>
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I am embarrassed with myself. I don't want to be that privileged white girl who has the luxury of a mid-life crisis, but this is where I am. I don't have children, so I don't have the distraction of trying to raise a human being to be productive member of society. Or that I just need to put my head down and work because I need a paycheck because I have someone at home who is counting on me to feed them. I am barely doing this for myself.</div>
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I want to cry.</div>
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I had always imagined that being an adult would be different. When I was in high school, I couldn't wait until I was an adult because everything would be better. I would have it all figured out and that people would act like adults. But it has all been a lie. I don't have it figured out and work is just an extension of high school where we still have cliques and bullies. Everyone just seems as miserable as adutls. Like we all have failed at life. That reality has set in and this is it. Working crappy jobs while we all get fat.</div>
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Sometimes I wonder if I just have the problem where I always want something else. That I am not happy with what I have now. I imagined that when I left high school, college would be better. Or that when we left Minneapolis, Austin would be better. Why can't I be happy with where I am at? </div>
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I think I'll just make some box brownies, eat my weight in said brownie batter and drink a beer while I try and convince myself that I should shower today.</div>
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XO</div>
Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-980046487235404412016-10-10T09:00:00.000-05:002017-12-31T17:23:45.493-06:00That One Time I Nearly Lost My Mind<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So I don't know if y'all have realize that the husband and I had made this big move last year. You surely had to have noticed, right?<br />
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Ha! I kid. </div>
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It's all I've been talking about on this blog since we moved last year. Broken record right here. Get ready for some more scratching. </div>
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It goes a little something like this. </div>
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We saved up a shit ton of money. We quit our very decent paying jobs. We sold everything we owned. We packed up what little we had left and moved to California. We had nothing lined up for us once we arrived in Los Angeles except an AirBnB and a Public Storage unit. </div>
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Prior to moving, when we told people of our plans, everyone was excited for us. We were doing something that most people would never do in a million years. Maybe the odd recent college or high school graduates who have very specific dreams of becoming something take the leap, but mid-to-late thirtysomethings doing this are rare. I don't have any studies to back me up here. Who knows, maybe a crap load of middle-aged adults do this every day. I'm guessing not. Anyways, I was very prideful of that - that the husband and I could just drop everything and follow a dream. Most sensible people, especially ones for the Midwest, would never do this. And I loved telling people of our plans and watching their reactions.</div>
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I was excited for the move. We were done with Austin, Texas. She gave us everything that she could, but we wanted more. </div>
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Ideas were had. Plans were made. </div>
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We were going to make this move, even if it was going to kill us. I was dead-set on it. I was doing some positive thinking. This was going to be easy. We had done a move like this once before and for the most part, it was relatively easy - from what I remember. The husband likes to remind me that when we did our move to Austin from Minneapolis it wasn't as easy as I like to remember. But I have a selective memory, so to me everything was rainbows and unicorns.</div>
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We made the move.</div>
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After the dust settled and the reality of what we did sank in, I started to lose it. When you have a small amount of money in savings with nothing else coming in, watching it slowly shrink is hard to swallow - it was for me. After weeks of applying for jobs with very little response back, it was beginning to take a toll on me. I was really hoping to change my career path, and I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I was expecting that. I was willing to start from the bottom again, but nothing was coming in. It was beginning to look like I was going to have to start from the beginning in the career that I had been doing for the past ten years. It fucks with you. It fucked with me. </div>
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I became moody, angry, and extremely scared. My fucking emotions were all over the place. My highs were high, and my lows were insanely low. I cried all the time. I had never felt this way before in my life. (I'm sure I did when I was in high school because I was an emotional mess back then too, but I don't really remember. I have a terrible memory.) I was sad. I didn't want to do anything or be around anyone. I ate poorly and drank too much. I was tired all the time. Trying to find a job in this state is one of the worst experiences of my life. I had no confidence whatsoever. I was fucked. </div>
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I tried to stay positive. Mainly because that is how I have learned to deal with my depression. I have never been diagnosed, and I think that has a lot to do with my parents. Back in High School during one of my summer physicals, my doctor noticed something off about me and asked my mother if he could give me some antidepressants. They were just samples pills, basically he wanted to try and see how they worked for me, but my mother said no and that I was fine. I remember her telling me in the car ride home that I shouldn't be taking pills like that or get the label of being depressed because everyone will treat you differently. </div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I have learned how to deal with my depression. Back in my youth my main source of dealing with it all was journaling and a lot of positive thinking. I know that at times I probably need more but I don't go to the doctor. I usually figure it out. Talking it out helps too, usually with my husband or a few coworkers in the past - I think this is where my bad habit of gossiping comes in to play. I have leaned to cope, probably unhealthily, but it's what I've done.</span></div>
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Last fall was extremely hard. </div>
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After trying to find a job for weeks, I found one that seemed promising, for the time being. But with my emotions all out of whack, it was hard to fit in especially with a couple of the employees. I felt like I was in middle school again, and the mean girls were ganging up on me. I truly felt like I was thirteen, and it fucks with you. I was paranoid, and I hated every thing. I just wanted to quit, but we needed the money and the health insurance. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. </div>
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Every morning I dreaded going into work. I could break down in tears at any second while riding the Metro Train to work. I remember thinking to myself "I wonder what people saw when they looked at me?" I must've looked miserable. When I look back, I don't know how I survived it. Truly, I don't. I did a lot of emailing to myself, saying that I could make it through the day. And again, my unhealthy self-medication with a drink at the end of the day was what I would look forward to. </div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0); font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">am beginning to slip back into my depression. I am tired all the time. I am angry. I just don't want to do anything. I think a lot of the problem is my hatred for my job and that I just don't know what I want any more. I am floating aimlessly, and I cannot grab a hold of anything.</span></div>
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Like everything in life, this all shall pass. It reminds me of that ad campaign: It gets better. Eventually it does, but when you are in the thick of it, it feels like it will never end. Slowly, I will get my shit together. I have to have a little faith in myself. Writing helps. I did it when I was in high school, and I hope it will help now. I am still at that job. It is manageable now, but I am ready to leave whenever the time is right. </div>
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I am just glad that last fall hasn't left a sour taste in my mouth for this city. I am still happy we made this move. It has been hard, and it will continue to be hard for awhile, but I feel it is worth it. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, right?</div>
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XO</div>
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Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-32205167291029814492016-08-22T10:00:00.000-05:002017-12-31T17:24:10.195-06:00What to Expect When You're Expecting to Live in Los Angeles. Part 1.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Since the husband and I have one year of living in Los Angeles under our belt, I thought it would be nice to compose a post - or actually a few posts - about what it's like living here for us, so far. This is specific to us and what we've taken from this city, but I think it might be of some use to someone out there. Since this will be a series, it will be ever-changing and updated. As long as I am here and writing, you'll get the lowdown on living in Los Angeles. The pressure is on. <br />
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Before our move, I did a ton research, A TON. I knew we would be moving here, so I thought it would be a good idea to have some sort of an idea on what to expect. There are a fair amount of blogs out there that address moving to this great city, which I think is kind of funny, but I greatly appreciated them. I realize that we aren't the only people who made this move, and if you aren't from a big city, I can see how this all can be overwhelming. I sometimes forget that a lot of people make this move. That some kid out in Middle America is dreaming of the day that they can pack up their shit and move to the West Coast. After all dreams are made here.<br />
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Well, welcome. </div>
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I am enjoying Los Angeles immensely. It has so much to offer and so much for you to take advantage of. You should understand that this city will give back to you what you put in. If you put in the hustle, I think this city can be rewarding.</div>
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We moved here from Austin, Texas. Austin is a growing city, but at the end of the day it still felt like a small town with small-town prices. Up until the end of our residence in Austin, it was an inexpensive city to live in. Beer was cheap. Eating out was cheap. Going out was cheap. I know that things are slowly changing for Austin - something that I could write a whole post about - but since I am already a year removed I don't think it would be fair to Austin. Regardless, Austin prices are nothing like Los Angeles prices.</div>
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That brings me to the first thing on my list of "What to Expect When You're Expecting to Live in Los Angeles."</div>
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<b>It's expensive. </b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Well, duh! It is like the second-largest city in the U.S. So yes, it is expensive. We knew that coming out here but didn't really realize that until we started going out in LA. Beer is expensive. Eating out is expensive. Living is expensive. Apartments are expensive. I've definitely had some sticker shock moments, but after you get past the fact that you aren't in Middle America anymore, your mindset begins to change. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Learning to really budget helps. We did come out here with a sizable savings, and we pretty much burned through that in one year. It didn't help that we took an impromptu road trip before settling down, and we did take a bunch of weekend holidays </span>in our first six months of living here. I wouldn't trade in those moments ever. I am a big advocate for travel, and I'm not afraid to charge that experience. Again, I digress. We were used to living a certain way, and we really didn't change our spending when we first moved out here. We have bills, oh so many bills. Student loans, credit cards, car loans, and then the typical living bills of cell phones, internet, electricity, and rent. Now we need to rebuild our savings, so we have something to fall back on because we have a ton of debt and the husband is working in an unreliable industry. But again, that is what we expected with his job. </div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">My suggestion would be to have a bunch of money saved up before you move out here. If you already have a job lined up, that is another story. But I would still have some money squirreled away. Again, we came out here with a ton of money saved up. I just didn't want to be one of those people who had to return back to Austin with our tail between our legs within one year of our move because we ran out of money - and that happens A LOT with people from Austin, they leave for the big city because they are a big fish in a small pond and they can't make a go of it in the "real world" and they return within six months. Nobody can make anything happen in six months or even twelve. I truly believe you need at least five years to get something out of this city. We plan to give it at least ten. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">So save. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">If you do come out here without a job lined up, it will take awhile. Of course their are lucky people out there who find work right away, I actually did. The job I found wasn't what I wanted to do. I was looking to change career paths, but I thought I should just get a job in my old profession first to have some money coming in, and then I could look for other work. Here I am a year later, still working that job. I had no luck finding another job. I spent months sending out resumes, and I've heard nothing back from anyone - actually I did get a response from a scam job, lucky me. I work with one person who it took them six months to find their job after they moved to LA. Another person I worked with had to quit and move back home because they didn't find their job soon enough and they ran out of money. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">So save. Have I mentioned that yet? Having money in savings never hurt anyone. </span></div>
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<b>Be prepared, apartment hunting sucks.</b><br />
I think I kind of knew this when were moved here, but I didn't really realize how much is sucked until we got here - I also think we had a few factors that hindered our apartment search.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Prior to moving, my research suggested that it's almost best to move here with nothing lined up and to just stay in an AirBnB until we find something. So that is what we did. And actually, I believe that is the best advice. If you have a friend or family member who is willing to put up with you for a few weeks while you find a place to live, that's even better. Basically, you can't find anything until you are out here - that is if you are renting. They don't really have apartment search firms - that's what we had to deal with in Austin. You are on your own.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Finding an apartment is all about the hustle. Something we just didn't have when we first moved here. We were tired. Overwhelmed. Not quite sure what we had gotten ourselves into so we shut down emotionally, just a bit. We paid the stupid fee to access the Westside Rentals listings, but because I was half out of it I accidentally paid for the six month package instead of the three month package - one of our first of many money mistakes when we first got out here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Would I use the Westside Rentals again? I'm not sure. Right now I would say that it would be a worst-case scenario. Friends of ours use Craigslist, you just have to be careful - like always when you use Craigslist. Personally, I am not a Craigslist fan. I just cannot sit and sift through all the postings. But some people can, and if you are one of those people, give it a try. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">If we were to do it all over again, I would just figure out what neighborhood I wanted be in and just drive around taking numbers of apartment buildings and calling. But that takes time. It all takes so much time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">We got our current place off of Westside Rentals. It was a desperate decision at the time, it was the only place we really looked at - we saw one other place and the building manager of that other place was really weird, and he was doing this whole applicant discrimination thing even thought I don't think he realized that he was discriminating. We, however, just wanted something locked down. We needed a place to stay. Our place is okay enough that we did renew our least for another year. Mainly because we don't want to find another place right now. We just can't afford to move. So we are stuck in the world's smallest apartment. But it works for us right now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">We can't forget, it's expensive renting in Los Angeles, and it's all about the neighborhood. Hell, we live adjacent to the desired Los Feliz neighborhood, and we still pay a fortune for our apartment. But we like the area. It's fairly centrally located and close to the Metro Subway - centrally located for "industry" jobs for the husband and taking the subway for me. We only have one car, gasp! That is what we are paying for. If we wanted to save money, we would be in The Valley somewhere or out in Pasadena. We didn't want that. The best bet is to figure out what you are will to put up with when moving out to LA. Do you want to be centrally located (and even that's all relative because are you Westside or Eastside)? Or do you want to have to drive in from far away? You also have to remember traffic kind of sucks in LA. </span></div>
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Holy cow. That is a lot, again. </div>
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*All this information is specific to us and what we want/need from Los Angeles. Some people come out here and fall right into the perfect job and perfect place to live, but I'm thinking that is far and few between. The husband and I came out here with prior work in the service industry. We did not have desk jobs so our job search is different from someone who is a professional. It's all relative.* </div>
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I hope this helps whoever is out there and is ready for the big move to Los Angeles. Good luck.</div>
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Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-67788463418797046502016-08-08T09:00:00.000-05:002017-12-31T17:24:33.009-06:00It is official. One year down.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So, we made it. One year down.<br />
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Actually, it has been just over a year, if we are nitpicking. I don't count our lost month as living in Los Angeles. I just count that as a glorious month of living my absolute dream. At the time I was freaking the fuck out. How could I not? We had no plans for our return to Los Angeles, and we were dipping into our savings that should have been used to help us stay afloat in LA. But I digress. Oh, how I wish I could go back to that road trip and relive it and enjoy it for what it was; the dream, our dream. More on that to come, if I ever get around to it. I promise, I totally will. <br />
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In all actuality, I cannot believe we made it a year. </div>
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Prior to moving to Los Angeles, I knew we could do it. Our last year in Austin was all about California dreaming. It was all about saving, saving, and some more saving complemented by selling, selling, and some more selling of our shit. During this time I was talking myself into believing that this move to Los Angeles was going to be as easy as pie. We were just going to slip into this large-ass city quietly. We were going to find an apartment with ease. We were going to find jobs with no problem. We are two able-bodied adults from the Midwest, and it's easy for Midwesterners to find jobs anywhere. Ugh, I fall for that old line every time. So naive, I am. </div>
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I did the same thing when we moved to Austin - this thinking that it will be so easy adjusting to a new city and finding work with ease. Usually, when a family member hears of our plans to move they always reassure us that it will be so easy for us to find work because we are from the Midwest and who doesn't want to hire someone from the Midwest? NO ONE CARES THAT WE ARE FROM THE MIDWEST!</div>
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However, the husband and I have been quite lucky. We did find work fairly early on. When I look back, I realize that I found my job within a month and a half of settling in. And the husband was able to use a friend of a friend to find work soon after. A lot of people we meet who are new to this city seem to have a harder time finding work. We had some luck on our side. </div>
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At the time, last year, it felt like we were never going to find jobs. The month and a half that I wasn't working was actually longer because we were also dealing with our lost month of July. It did feel like forever to the two of us. It felt strange not to be working, especially since I've always worked - like the rest of human population - and I kind of liked not working. Except for the part of not having money coming in. We did have savings, but this city isn't cheap. We aren't dealing with Austin prices anymore. </div>
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Here we are. One year later. </div>
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We are both back at the beginning, overeducated and underemployed. Starting out at the bottom again. But that's par for the course with Gen X-ers - or whatever the fuck we are, because I can never figure that out and all I know is that we are in that sweet spot where none of this really matters - with our degrees in English.</div>
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I am back in a kitchen, which isn't my dream, but it pays the bills and that's all that matters right now because we suck at budgeting. And the husband is doing odd PA jobs around town. Again, it isn't the dream, but it pays the bills. And that is where we are at right now. </div>
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I am proud to say that we haven't had to pack up and mosey on back to Austin, which had been a fear of mine. As great of a town as Austin is, it's a town that is really hard to get anything done - again, just for us. Many of people have accomplished plenty in that great city of Austin, but we just could not. I have heard of Austin being compared to Never-Never Land before, and I agree totally. It's easy to live a life of underemployment comfortably there. So, we left and the struggle is now real. But isn't the struggle supposed to help with the creativity? </div>
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Isn't there that saying, what doesn't kill us will only make us stronger? At this point, I hope so. Otherwise why the fuck are we doing this? </div>
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We have pretty much run out of savings. So that is freaking me out. But hopefully we can pull in some more money with promotions or just better jobs in general. Always on the lookout for something better, A.K.A. something that pays more. With the minimum wage going up in this city, things should pan out for better paying jobs. We'll see. We really need to become better hustlers. Everyone here who is doing something is hustling, and we need to tap into that mindset. I still think our Midwestern way of thinking that things will come to us because we are hard workers is getting in the way. We need to make our own way. We need to hustle. </div>
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One year. Holy fuck, one year. </div>
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I don't feel like a Californian, yet. I do absolutely love this state and cannot wait until I feel like I totally belong.<br />
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Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-78945196772406068272015-09-11T08:00:00.000-05:002015-09-11T08:00:06.868-05:00That One Time We Move to Los Angeles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The big idea was to sell most of our stuff and just keep the essentials -- books, CDs, records, kitchen equipment, clothes, an air mattress and two chairs -- packing up said essentials into a small U-Haul and drive out West.<br />
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In the beginning stages of our plan, we were going to buy a second car that could tow a U-Haul because our Honda Civid Hybrid would not do the job. A brother proposed that he might help us with our move using his SUV as the towing vehicle. A date was set; we put in our notices at work and at our apartment and kissed the city of Austin good bye. That was the extent of our plan to move to Los Angeles.</div>
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For months we told our friends and family of our plan of packing and moving. We had no jobs lined up. We had no apartment lined up. The plan was to just go. Everyone we told thought we were crazy. How could we do something this big without any sort of plan? I told everyone that we did have a plan, move to Los Angeles. It was the only plan we needed. </div>
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We were crazy.</div>
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We packed our shit. I got overwhelmed, per usual. I wasn't ready for when our caravan members arrived; a mom, a dad, and a brother. We had a tight schedule to follow. People had lives to get back to; we had lives to start. </div>
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We left Austin on July 5th. With the help of our caravan, we packed up two SUV's, a Honda Civic Hybrid and a U-Haul trailer. The drive to Los Angeles was pretty uneventful in a good way. No cars died on us, no people broke down in an emotional puddle of tears (I'm talking about myself). We just had a transmission scare that was solved by having a second SUV that could hitch the U-haul. Thank heaven for parents.</div>
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We arrived in Los Angeles after a couple of days on the road. Put our crap into storage and stayed in an Airbnb. We did some sight seeing with the parents, then we were on our own. The husband and I moved into a smaller Airbnb. The plan was to stay in this Airbnb for a week and find an apartment and start our new lives. That did not go according to plan. Life never goes as expected, right? </div>
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The whole apartment searching scene in Los Angeles is crazy. If you aren't accustomed to this crazy process, it can be a bit overwhelming for the first-time renter. We sat in our little Airbnb and looked at places online, calling and messaging complexes about apartments. We got virtually no response back.<br />
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Since we only had a week, we became desperate. Finally we saw a listing that had an open house. We went right at the beginning of the open house, looked at the studio apartment and said we would take it. The only catch was we couldn't move in until the beginning of August. AUGUST! We had three weeks to kill until we could officially move to Los Angeles.</div>
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What were we going to do?</div>
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I do think we could have done our apartment search differently. I wish we would have driven around more and called about apartments instead of relying solely on internet listings. The whole process was overwhelming*. I can't believe this city really doesn't have apartment locator services -- sure they have Westside Rentals, a place that just takes your money and throws you to the apartment hunting wolves. I understand the urban sprawl can make it difficult, but really Los Angeles, come on.<br />
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*<i>This post brought to you by our sponsor: the word "overwhelming." I get overwhelmed, and I was overwhelmed. I am OVERWHELMED!</i><br />
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Now, we are living in the world's smallest studio apartment. I know, I am being dramatic. I know people in New York, Paris and London have smaller studio apartments. When you are sharing this space with a second person, things can get tight. Especially when we are coming from a two bedroom townhouse apartment. Where can I go to weep silently without someone watching or judging me? Where can I get my "alone" time?<br />
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If I felt like we hadn't grown up before, I sure as hell do now. We don't even have a proper bed, we just have an air mattress. We have no room to get a proper bed. It's like I am reliving my college years all over again.<br />
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Our location is pretty great thought. I think for knowing very little about this city in general, we did do a good job at picking our location. It's just too bad we don't have parking. Ugh, parking. That is a whole other story.<br />
<br />
XO<br />
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Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-24344215981259323252015-09-08T14:30:00.000-05:002015-09-09T13:58:16.904-05:00The Big Move West: Or How The West Was Won.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
So we moved.<br />
<br />
"What?" you ask. "I thought you were dead."<br />
<br />
No, no, no. I am not dead. I am still here. I have had moments of utter total breakdown, but I am still here. Barely.<br />
<br />
I am well aware that I have this little corner in the blogosphere and that I have ignored it successfully for over a year now. I do have this tiny annoying voice in my head reminding me that my audience awaits for my return, but I just ignore it. It's what I do best. However, I don't think I can ignore it any longer.<br />
<br />
I'm here now. Better late than never, right?<br />
<br />
Like I mentioned earlier, we moved, the husband and I. It's been a little over 11 years since last we did something like this--something where we just up and move with a little plan and all of our crap whittled down to just our essential items and a small nest egg in savings.<br />
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"Are we crazy?" you ask. YES!<br />
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The first time the husband and I did a move like this I was a year (he was two years) out of college, and we craved a change.<br />
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I grew up in the Upper Midwest and I met my husband at an Upper Midwestern university.<br />
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After college we dicked around a bit, trying to "find ourselves" (it's quite pathetic, but I am still trying to find myself, and it is annoying). While all our friends were getting married and thinking of the "bigger picture"--a house, car payments, 401Ks, and babies--we just wanted to enjoy our twenties. We were in no hurry whatsoever to get married and finally tied the knot after 15 years together.<br />
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We did not want our lives to be the typical Midwestern story, starting off at an entry-level desk job with the potential of moving up the corporate ladder to another crappy desk job all so we could make a bunch of money to buy that house in the suburbs and start that family.<br />
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There is nothing wrong with that life. It just wasn't something we wanted.<br />
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We made a list of some cities that we thought would be fun to live in. I liked Portland, Oregon or Boulder, Colorado. The husband liked those cities, and he added Austin, Texas to the list.<br />
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I was hesitant about Austin because it was in Texas. TEXAS! But the husband threw me in a car, and we road tripped to the second Austin City Limits Music Festival. I fell in love. The decision was made, Austin, Texas was our town. We packed up two cars and drove through the night. We had become Texans, y'all.<br />
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This isn't our first rodeo. We have done this before, a move like this. But everything has changed.<br />
<br />
I might still be in shock. We moved to Los Angeles, California. Oh, boy! We are no longer in the small* Central Texas town. Our cocoon, our security blanket. We had lived in Austin for over 11 years. Austin had treated us well.<br />
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*<i>Austin's growth the past 11 years has been outrageous. When we first moved to Austin, it was a cute "little" college town. Now it is a sprawling city, and its essence is slowly being destroyed. I could go on and on about Austin, but not today. These are my personal thoughts on Austin, and many would disagree, but I am allowed to have my opinions.</i><br />
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Now, we are well into our 30's. What are we thinking?<br />
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Unlike our move to Austin 11 years ago, this move to Los Angeles comes with a tiny plan.<br />
<br />
When we moved to Austin, there was no plan. We just showed up on Austin's front door (we did have an apartment lined up on South Lamar, something we did not have before moving to Los Angeles). 11 years ago we had a tiny nest egg; today we have a bit more. When we arrived in Austin, all we needed to do was find jobs. Cost of living was cheap, and we were 23-year-olds without a care in the world.<br />
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Now, everything is different. I keep on repeating myself, but EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED.<br />
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Are we crazy? YES.<br />
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Can we do this? I am not sure.<br />
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Will I be here to write about it? I think I can manage it. We'll see.<br />
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I haven't worked in over 2 months, I'm hoping I'll find the time.<br />
<br />
XOJaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-17062966509304923032014-04-29T18:07:00.000-05:002014-04-29T18:07:03.163-05:00wanderlust<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-J8DlK2r48hE/U2ANVZXe88I/AAAAAAAABLk/YXByQc7uZuQ/s1600/travel1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-J8DlK2r48hE/U2ANVZXe88I/AAAAAAAABLk/YXByQc7uZuQ/s1600/travel1.jpg" height="160" width="640" /></a></div>
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the other day while at work a few of us were talking about travel. where we have been and where we might like to go. it had been slow at work so we'd all been doing some daydreaming. which i LOVE to do, it's one of my favorite pastimes but can also be extremely dangerous because it usually ends up with me telling the mister "i have an idea." this happens to be his most feared phrase uttered from me. my ideas are usually so amazing, he just doesn't get them. oh, i kid y'all.<br />
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i know that i have been very lucky and have traveled quite a lot. i've been to Germany twice, Ireland, Scotland, England, the Netherlands, Belgium and France and all over the US - not 48 States like the mister but still enough to count as "all over." i am not some experienced traveler by any means. you know those people. they have the one backpack and $10 to their name and are able to travel the world for like 6 months alone (i know you can't travel all over the world with only $10 for 6 months, it's called sarcasm.) that traveler is just not me, but boy do i envy them so much. i just can't do it. i've done my time in a 20 person hostel - which was an adventure - but something i can't do at 35. i am someone who has seen more of the world than your average person. so, since that conversation at work, the travel bug has bitten me.<br />
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the weekend after tying the knot, the mister and i had spent time with our friends and family who were in town for the wedding. while we were all boozed up we started talking about who we need to visit and where we want to go. for some reason, it felt like we had won the lottery. we were in some kind of hazy high where we felt like we had all this money, so we decided that we were going to travel the world. well, the honeymoon ended, and now that we are still paying off our wedding the realization of our many travel plans aren't realistic. well, right now they aren't. i'm not saying we will never travel again because that would be a lie. the travel bug is being very annoying right now.<br />
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our (or my) list of places we would like to go:<br />
Iceland<br />
Mexico City<br />
New Zealand<br />
Japan<br />
Thailand<br />
back to Paris<br />
Portland, Oregon<br />
Hawaii<br />
Maine<br />
some beach resort where all i do is lay on the beach drinking and reading<br />
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where in the world would you like to go?<br />
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i am a big advocate of travel. i hate it when people talk about how they want to travel but can't. either they don't have the money or lack the time. it's just excuses. the mister and i would rather travel and rack up some credit card debt than stay put and work on paying off credit cards. because let's be honest, we will always have credit card debt. it's a cruel tango of one step forward and two steps back. you just have to realize that life is too short. i would rather have some debt than not see the world because it's a pretty amazing place.<br />
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i know it can be hard to travel if you don't have a travel partner. i have always traveled with someone and couldn't imagine traveling without someone - thank you mister. but maybe that should be a goal of mine, to travel once alone. the mister has done it a few times, he is way much cooler then me. [this would be the part of the post where the mister would speak up, insisting that i am the world's worst traveler, and he has the most horrible times traveling with me - that he should have the honor of sainthood bestowed upon him for putting up with me and the misery i bring onto him when we travel.] i don't know why he continues to travel with me? <br />
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so let's do this. let's start planning our next trip. fuck money and credit card debt. we've got places to see and people to meet. xoxo.<br />
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Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-64514381539703553232014-04-23T18:00:00.001-05:002014-04-23T18:00:35.293-05:00hello, are you still there?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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it's been a while, and i am still here.<br />
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are you excited? i'm super stoked.<br />
<br />
actually, i have had a very busy 8 months. no i did not have a baby - do you guys even know me? - but i did have a few major events happen that took up a great deal of my time. so instead of trying to come up with some kind of balance in my life, i just freaked the fuck out and ignored this corner of the internet. too much to do and not enough life skills to help me tackle the ever-important ability to balance the many life events that are in one's life. you know, the basic, living kind of stuff.<br />
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so you ask, what has happened? the boy and i got hitched. we did it. but a few months before our big day the mister and i decided to spend all our savings - a savings that should have been used on our wedding - and embarked upon a trip to Amsterdam, Paris, and Brussels. you know where our priorities lie.<br />
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now that things have calmed the fuck down, i've been staring at this blog for some time. just eyes glazed over staring at this blank blogger post page with the cursor just blinking at me, mocking and judging me. it's time to shit or get off the pot, so here i am. and i changed up the design to make it look less like a boy-crazy-thirteen-year-old-girl's blog and more like a fifteen-year-old-girl-who-is-trying-to-be-an-adult's blog.<br />
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we'll see where this road leads us. xoxo.Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-54284345169947160302013-08-13T07:00:00.000-05:002013-08-13T07:00:01.288-05:00my lack of self-discipline and how it's ruining my life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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oh self-discipline, how i miss thee.<br />
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all summer, i've been telling myself how i want to write more on this blog. or how i want to walk more or exercise (at all) when i get home from work. or how i want to take it easy on the ice cream because two helpings of ice cream a day will certainly kill me. or how i want to read more because i am extremely behind on my reading goal for this year. my list of wants goes on and on, yet i've accomplished nothing. </div>
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i keep on blaming my lazy life on being just that, lazy. i keep thinking to myself that maybe i'm even a little bit depressed. sure, i had a small bout of depression in January but i feel like i got over that in the spring. i keep telling myself that surly this inability to accomplish anything is a side effect of being depressed; again. but i'm not feeling depressed. work is going surprisingly well, my personal life is kicking some ass -- an upcoming European vacation and a winter wedding in the works -- it all has kept me occupied and happy. so if i'm not depressed, why can't i get shit done?</div>
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then it dawned on me. i have no self-discipline. none.<br />
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where i used to have self-discipline oozing out of my pores, i now have none. maybe i spent all of the self-discipline i built when i was an athletic teen. years and years of schooling followed by after-school activities and sporting teams. years and years of coaches and teammates, of someone depending on me. followed then by years of college and having to get shit done -- even if i was less dedicated, i still had teachers to impress and grades to be earned. but since i've been out of school and on my own for the past 13ish years, all the self-discipline that i'd built up is gone. i would say that this last year i used up the last bit of it. </div>
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now i am desperate to re-teach myself self-discipline -- when i was learning it in my youth through sports and schooling i didn't think i really knew what i was learning and how useful of a tool it would be. the other day i did the whole google search thing; searching "self-discipline" and "learning self-discipline". i came across a lot of people in the same boat as me. who'd have thunk it? a few of the web articles i scanned -- because i don't have time to actually read these articles -- linked happiness to people having self-discipline. so right there, my idea of being depressed could be nipped in the bud with some self-discipline. i just blow my mind sometimes.<br />
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one helpful web <a href="http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/07/08/how-to-have-more-self-discipline/" target="_blank">article i came across from the blog Penelope Trunk</a> suggested that if i have self-discipline in one small area of my life it will create a snowball effect and could lead to being discipline in other areas of my life. for some reason that advice just clicked for me. it totally makes sense.<br />
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i have a goal. it is to go on a walk everyday after work. something small and simple. if i want to jog, i can, but this is just a simple walk. i notice that this walk then gets the gears going in my life. usually on my walks, i come up with ideas that i either walk to blog about or ideas for stories. and this walk helps with exercise and my eating choices. i can see the snowball effect. love it!<br />
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up until now, my life has been in shambles -- it sounds melodramatic and really hasn't been <i>that</i> bad; but when you get complacent in areas of your life where you never thought you wanted to be, you just kind of give up. these past few years have been a long period of me giving up. i'm in a job that i enjoy but has no forward progress -- or the movement forward available is not where i want to go -- and i know that at some point i wont be able to physically do my job anymore. i kind of painted myself into a corner, and it's scary. but realizing i want to do something else gives hope. unfortunately having the discipline to go after it is hard to find, especially if you've lost said self-discipline.<br />
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whoa. i just went really heavy. i got to bring this back to something light.<br />
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so, let's just work on walking. every day after work. easy. i can do it. xoxo. <br />
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(photos taken from around my apartment)</div>
Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-79861414415435717932013-07-12T07:00:00.000-05:002013-07-12T07:00:04.550-05:00teenaged food issues while in my thirties<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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let's talk food, a favorite topic for mine. <div>
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actually, let's talk binge eating. NOT a favorite topic of mine because i have some issues with food.<div>
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i've always had a "healthy" appetite. growing up i was an athlete and very active so i had a high metabolism and could pack away the food. it was amazing. it felt great to eat and eat and not put on a pound and still be "skinny". i always thought i ate a lot because i had to keep my energy up for all the activities i was involved with. but it seems that i have feelings that go along with overeating. oh boy! </div>
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my eating habits and food issues seem to run deeper than i realize, and i'm finally figuring this shit out. good lord, i can't believe it's taken me this long to connect the dots. i should've put two and two together from my post about over eating on <a href="http://thirtysomethingnobody.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-life-of-sugar-addict-national.html" target="_blank">National Doughnut Day</a>. but that's what i do, i over eat and don't think twice about it. i've always been okay with that philosophy, just ignore the problem. </div>
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all my food issues are starting to catch up with me and my mid-thirties body. i should've realized this 10 years ago when we first moved to Austin. it's about time that i caught on to this. when we first moved here i was amazed by all the food options, especially the late night ones. back home, the 24 hour fast food restaurant didn't really exist. so after closing time we just went home, or if you were really hungry you could go to so some sit down restaurant (Perkins, Country Kitchen) but who wants to do that while drunk and tired because someone always passes out in the bathroom. i could just go home and make a box of Velveeta Shells and Cheese and devour the entire thing by myself.</div>
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for the past 10 years i packed on the pounds. tex-mex, bbq, fast food and beer is what's done me in, and my emotional state is the offender. at first i was emotional because of the move and living in a new city and state and having to make new friends and knowing no one -- only the boy. it's a lot harder than one would imagine making new friends (especially when i'm an introvert homebody). when that's followed by years of just having a good time and living like a teenager, it catches up with you. </div>
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now i am in my thirties and my emotions are all over the place and this year, THIS YEAR has been a test of my convictions -- it's been a year of extreme lows and highs because some very good stuff has happened this year too. so for the past few months i've been binge eating and out of all the food options i have out there to binge on, i've chosen fast food (McDonald's is my main go-to). ugh! my stomach wants to kill me now because fast food, and my stomach and i never really got along in the first place. so now World War Three is taking place in my stomach, and i think i might die.</div>
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basically i need to get my shit together. </div>
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Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-29333211711080526222013-06-26T08:00:00.000-05:002013-06-26T08:00:05.470-05:00the perils of natural deodoranti'll just come out and say it, natural deodorants suck!<br />
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they're a pain in the ass to apply. they don't stop you from sweating like regular old deodorant because of the whole antiperspirant/aluminum thing, and they make you smell like a hippie -- who usually don't smell too bad *wink*. but smelling like patchouli or the Earth or whatever isn't what i want to smell like when i'm sweating. <br />
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i understand that people choose to wear natural deodorants, and i understand the health benefits from that choice because i am someone who wears natural deodorants due to fact that i can't handle the aluminum in deodorants/antiperspirants. and it sucks! have i stressed how much i think this sucks? my armpit swells up like a balloon and becomes very tender. it's just uncomfortable.<br />
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i know what you're all thinking, natural deodorant can't be that bad? if i weren't lazy, i guess it wouldn't be. sadly i am lazy, and i hate applying natural deodorants. the ones that work well usually consist of some block-o-something that you rub into your armpit and then topped of with a powder that you sprinkle on. ugh, the powder. that's what drives me crazy the most if i were to pinpoint my frustrations with going the natural route. i usually end up getting that shit all over my bra or the floor or on my pants/legs -- anywhere but my actual armpit. our bathroom is covered in a light dusting of powders due to my deodorants and the boy's Gold Bond that he applies EVERYWHERE. <br />
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i'm at a point where i am okay with the whole sweating thing. it's something we do. it took me a long time to except the fact that people sweat. having grown up in the North, i always felt that sweating was a sign of weakness. you didn't want to sweat, and we very rarely did. but now that i am living in the South, i've realized that that's just my bullshit thinking and we all sweat. i do think it's funny when my family from the North visits during the summer months, and they just can't handle the sweat. i'm like, "get over it y'all."<br />
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i've been dying to try some recipes that i've come across online (Pintrest) for some homemade natural deodorant, but i just don't have the time or patience for that. the best natural deodorant that i've used and am using now is by <a href="http://www.lushusa.com/" target="_blank">Lush</a>. it's a good product by a good company, so no complaints here -- well i have some issues with the price, but that's because i am cheap as fuck, but i'll get over it.<br />
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<br />
i use the <a href="http://www.lushusa.com/Aromaco/00051,en_US,pd.html?start=1&cgid=deodorants" target="_blank">Aromaco Deodorant Bar</a> -- and yes it smells like patchouli so hello hippie pits -- and then i sprinkle the <a href="http://www.lushusa.com/The-Greeench/03632,en_US,pd.html?start=4&cgid=deodorants" target="_blank">Greeench Deodorant Powder</a> up in there. i usually like the <a href="http://www.lushusa.com/Coconut/06233,en_US,pd.html?start=2&cgid=deodorants" target="_blank">Coconut Deodorant Powder</a>, but when i went into the store, they were all out of the Coconut so they steered me to the Greeench. i think i would go back to the Coconut again because i like the beachy smell better, but they both do the job. <br />
<br />
anyone go the natural route?<br />
<br />
i've done the Tom's of Maine deodorant and wasn't a fan. i've also used Kiss My Face Liquid Rock Roll On, and it's okay. if i'm in a pinch, i'll buy the Kiss My Face deodorant, but it doesn't do so well when i stress sweat. for now i'll be using my Lush deodorant even thought it's a pain in the ass. xoxo. <br />
<br />
<br />Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-14208822721550285712013-06-20T07:00:00.000-05:002013-06-20T07:00:06.335-05:00adult troublesome pain-in-the-butt ACNE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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let's talk about acne -- i don't really want to talk about acne, but someone's got to have the adult acne problems in this relationship and that person is me. ugh.<br />
<br />
boy, do i hate acne. for as long as i can remember, i've been plagued with acne. i had it in high school and well into my twenties. however, the closer i got to my thirties, the more my skin started to mellow out. i thought to myself that i did it, i defeated the evil that is acne. i waltzed into my thirties with just a blemish here or there, nothing too big that could freak me out. then, all of a sudden, this past year my acne has come back full force -- not as bad as when i had it in high school, but bad enough to curse the gods. curses!<br />
<br />
i was <strike>told</strike> promised while in my teens that my skin would get better and by the time i was well into adulthood i would no longer have acne. but they all lied, every single one of them.<br />
<br />
now i am trying to revamp my skin care regimen, and it's quite difficult. there are so many products out there these days that i don't know where to begin -- i am totally lost. i am that person you see at Target just staring at all that face products not moving or making a sound. it's pathetic. and i am on a limited budget, so that throws a wrench into this depressing process. i don't have hundreds to spend on facial products y'all, i am poor!<br />
<br />
so where to begin? i have no clue. there is way too much out there.<br />
<br />
i am in my thirties. i have acne. and to top it off, i now have wrinkles to deal with. WRINKLES! where did they come from? this getting old thing is no bueno.<br />
<br />
the list of products:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>i had been using Cetaphil for years until recently. it had worked just fine. i liked it. it was gentle and it did a decent job cleaning my face. but then the acne came back.</li>
<li>Neutrogena. i could keep this business afloat with the amount of facial products i've purchased from them. i'm using the Oil-Free Acne Stress Control wash and the Fresh Foaming Cleanser right now. both are okay, but haven't hit me in that sweet spot. then of course there is the Oil-Free Moisture, which i've been using for a very long time. </li>
<li>i've added Aveeno's Clear Complexion Daily Moisturizer because of the salicylic acid, which is what i need to fight acne i hear. </li>
<li>at night i've added a night creme by Neutrogena as well, because i've got to start fighting the wrinkles too now.</li>
</ul>
<br />
nothing seems to be really working, at least not yet. i guess i should give this crap a chance to work, right? i'm super close to just throwing in the towel and just getting Proactiv, people seem to be pleased with that stuff. and with all of my years of battling acne, i've never tried the stuff. what works for y'all?<br />
<br />
now i just have to remember to wash my face at night before bed. that would probably help me out tremendously. i just have to get my lazy butt out of bed -- because i crawled into bed at around 7:30pm to "watch" TV or "read" a book (which really means to fall asleep then). we'll see what i can accomplish. Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-37929627366849057072013-06-10T23:01:00.000-05:002013-06-10T23:01:05.115-05:00the life of a sugar addict: National Doughnut Day 2013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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last Friday celebrated the day all sugar addicts devour, National Doughnut Day -- which was on June 7th of this year because it's celebrated on the first Friday in June, who knew?<br />
<br />
i am a sugar addict! i never thought my addiction was truly that bad until National Doughnut Day.<br />
<br />
i've always had a sweet tooth, it's no secret. ever since i can remember i've always needed something sweet; candy or ice cream or cake or brownies. my weakness would have to be candy or ice cream, but if we're being honest, i'll take anything.<br />
<br />
when i was in high school, a friend of mine would sell this generic candy for a fundraiser for her diving team -- she became my candy dealer while at school. i sat next to her in computer class during second period, and i would buy up all the candy bars she was selling. then i would sit back in class and eat candy bar after candy bar until all that i bought from her were gone. good lord, i had the metabolism of a god back in high school. where did that go?<br />
<br />
when i lived at home, my mother and i made the perfect team when it came to sugar and sweets. i am a batter eater and my mother is a brownie nut. i would come home from school or work and whip up a batch of brownies and then go to town on the brownie batter. i would usually eat enough batter to where i would have to make a smaller pan of brownies because i ate half of the brownie dough.<br />
<br />
good lord i love ice cream. i usually have a hard time just eating one helping of ice cream. with my 1/2 gallon of Blue Bell sitting in the freezer, i usually have one helping in the afternoon when i get home from work and then top off my night with another helping. i'll go through ice cream phases, too. for a while, i've been all over plain vanilla topped off with Oreos that i smashed to bits. think Amy's Ice Cream -- or Cold Stone Creamery for all you non Austinites. before the Oreo phase, i couldn't get enough of strawberry shakes. before that i needed hot fudge sundaes. god, what i wouldn't give for a hot fudge sundae from Dairy Queen right now.<br />
<br />
at present, my day job is working in a bakery. when i got this job, i remember telling my mother and her response was, "now do you really think that's a good idea for someone like you to be working in a bakery?" and i was all like "hell yeah!" what most people don't realize is that working in a bakery isn't the same as stopping by one to browse and look at all the desserts and cakes. working in a bakery has actually made me hate a lot of sweets -- i'm talking about you cheesecakes -- and i didn't think that was possible. when i make vanilla butter cream icing in bulk, it's not as fun as when i am playing with food at home.<br />
<br />
so, back to National Doughnut Day.<br />
<br />
i came home from work with the worst sugar overdose, trying to figure out what to eat that could bring me down from my sugar high. i never thought that in a million years i would say "i am craving a salad" but after a sweet (pun intended) co-worker decided to bring to work some assorted doughnuts to celebrate National Doughnut Day, i might concede to the fact that i am addicted to sugar. when i was looking at all the different doughnut flavors i wanted desperately to try each one. then i thought to myself that if i only try a quarter of a doughnut, i won't eat that much. after sampling 10 different doughnuts and then going back and eating more of the doughnuts that i really liked, my poor middle-aged body just couldn't take all the sugar.<br />
<br />
and then i wanted to go and vomit. <br />
<br />
it will take me a few weeks to get over my doughnut binge -- which is nice right now because when i go to the grocery store i don't buy my doughnut treat, but i'm sure i'll get over it quickly. i can't stay mad at sugar forever.<br />
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<br />Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-91756401543513539602013-06-10T09:00:00.000-05:002013-06-10T09:00:02.272-05:00musings of a lost part-time bloggerso, here i am staring at this blank Blogger page trying to figure out exactly what i want to do with this little blog of mine. we could even go so far as to ask, "what the fuck do i want to do with the rest of my life?" UGH! i guess i am still trying to figure some things out. i really thought by the time i was in my mid-thirties this shit would be all sorted, but i guess that is a "perk" of being an unmarried-childless-middle-aged women; you get to spend all your time obsessing about yourself.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7_C7TLqL9l4/Ua4sqIYwSsI/AAAAAAAABE8/Kv3QeQqhzqk/s1600/26+365.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7_C7TLqL9l4/Ua4sqIYwSsI/AAAAAAAABE8/Kv3QeQqhzqk/s200/26+365.JPG" width="200" /></a>when i first approached this blogging adventure, i thought "what the heck. i can do this, easy peasy!" but then reality set in, and i thought, "holy fuck, i have no idea what i want to do." -- actually, that statement has totally turned into my life motto: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO!!! so instead, i just sit on the couch and stare endlessly at the tv.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rCcXaZU-ed0/Ua4selrsRBI/AAAAAAAABE0/eLxszJSOWCQ/s1600/004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rCcXaZU-ed0/Ua4selrsRBI/AAAAAAAABE0/eLxszJSOWCQ/s200/004.JPG" width="200" /></a>i am writing this because i am going to try a different approach. initially, i was just going to write about little things here or there. mainly things about movies or tv or books -- my three favorite hobbies, which suggests that i am a hardcore homebody and to that i say, "fuck yes." recently i've run into a bit of a wall and have realized that i cannot keep up with my tv, movie, or book commentary. basically, in the overall scheme of internet blogs, you could throw the proverbial rock two inches and hit a blog dedicated to some girl's ramblings about movies, tv and books. so why would anyone be interested in what i have to say about said items, especially when i can't keep up with my own tv shows (i.e. <i>Project Runway)?</i> i still have to watch the finale of that damn show.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ohwthlTvCbc/Ua4sVsd-tgI/AAAAAAAABEs/NfSiPMVqc6I/s1600/IMG_0591.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ohwthlTvCbc/Ua4sVsd-tgI/AAAAAAAABEs/NfSiPMVqc6I/s200/IMG_0591.JPG" width="200" /></a>my goal -- which i am going to try very hard to keep -- is that i'm going to try to be more personal. i know, i know, i never really wanted this blog to be a personal journal because i am a very private person, but as time has passed and the i've reflected more upon what i want to do with this blog, i came to the realization that i want to get personal with y'all (for my 10-ish readers). what draws me to my favorite blogs is their personal nature, which feeds quite well into the fact that i love being a voyeur. i know i tease these perfect lifestyle blogs, but it's because i love them some much. it comes down to having a connection with someone versus reading something stale and generic.<br />
<br />
let's see where this road takes us. your safety is not guaranteed. i am lazy and a procrastinator, so i'm not sure what we should expect, but a girl's gotta have goals. since i am a homebody and an introvert, my adventures outside of the home are pretty close to nil. i'm okay with that, but i'm not sure you are. so hang in there, and greatness is sure to follow. ha!<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
<br />
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* i have a bit of an obsession with drawing stick figures.Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-4683125258725853072013-05-29T07:00:00.000-05:002013-05-29T07:00:04.363-05:00the boob tube: Project Runway s11 e12let's just jump right into this one.<br />
<br />
<b>*spoilers!</b><br />
<br />
this episode started with the "to be continuned..." moment and Michelle's future hanging in limbo. but really, what was <i>Project Runway</i> going to do? if they wanted Michelle eliminated, she would've been gone, and the show would move on to the last round. now that i am thinking back, this saved Michelle because the judges have faith in her. the last challenge wasn't Michelle's best, but just in the way that she didn't follow the directions well. Patricia should have been the designer sent home. i'm glad they didn't send either ladies home because i really, really want to see what Patricia can produce with more time and money just as i want to see a collection from Michelle. so, Michelle is saved for now -- but we all really know her fate.<br />
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like i said last post about <i>Project Runway</i>, the designers are going to Europe. i think it's a "thank you" prize for the last designers for having to put up with working in teams the entire competition. they made it this far, now we are going to send you to Europe (just for a day). so each designer is being sent to a different European city as well as a little helper, and their helper has been switched around again. i think this was for Patricia because she cannot work with Richard anymore. her Richard quota hit its limit.<br />
<br />
the pairs are:<br />
Layana and Samantha - Barcelona, Spain<br />
Patricia and Kate - Paris, France<br />
Daniel and Amanda - Berlin, Germany<br />
Stanley and Richard - London, England<br />
Michelle and Tu - New York<br />
<br />
when the designers heard where they were going they freaked the fuck out. Patricia was as giddy as a school girl (perhaps high as a kite?), and Daniel just plain lost it. poor Michelle just got depressed. i think it would've been hard for me too, to see all the other designers go out and get all this inspiration and a fresh perspective from a new city while she got to stay in gloomy old New York. i just wanted to be all like "girl, get your shit together. they just gave you a second chance, so take it. don't sulk. kick ass and take names like the bad-ass bitch that you are." <br />
<br />
while the designers were away, the drama was nil. it was a nice episode. all the contestants had to worry about was what they were going to do; and, because they had such little time in their city, they just drove around. the architecture of each city was the big inspiration for every designer, even Michelle. that is what a city has a lot of by car, buildings. what was fun to watch was how each designer bought their fabric from their city. watching them trying to communicate with people in a foreign country while trying to buy fabric was great. and having the added bonus of a money limit with the conversion of Dollars into Euros (or the Pound for our English travelers) was funny. watching Patricia deal with the French lady at the fabric shop was great.<br />
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<br />
so let's just jump in and talk about the designs:<br />
<br />
<b>Layana </b>- her look was okay. it totally reminded me of something that Prince would wear. ha! the jacket is cute. the shirt is cute. putting them together just didn't work. all you see is a jacket and some ugly-ass sleeves. when you take away the jacket the shirt is cute, especially with the pants. but in having the jacket be the main focus, the look just looks old. the judges don't like this look at all, calling it old fashioned.<br />
<br />
<b>Michelle </b>- i love this look. the breast plate is super cute and the back straps of it are fun and edgy. the dress is really cute too, i love how it has pockets. i just didn't like how she dyed the bottom of the skirt. it just made it look dirty. but besides that, the look kicked ass. and the judges like it. <br />
<br />
<b>Stanley </b>- a cute dress. his details are just gorgeous. the zipper slit is amazing, and the lining peeking through the slit is beautiful. his eye for detail is amazing. and the judges like it, of course.<br />
<br />
<b>Patricia </b>- i like her top, just not the shoulder part of her top. the textile that she made for the top was awesome, but the top does look a bit homemade crafty, which is a line that she treads often. i would say that the judges are half and half with her look. to think that she went to and was inspired by Paris and all she got from her time there was just this top, not enough.<br />
<br />
<b>Daniel </b>- i love his look. his jacket is cute and modern and didn't look too bad for being pleather. his dress was really hip, and the skirt was super cute. he did an amazing job. the look was very modern and young, something that he struggles with a lot in his designing. i don't know if it was a combination of working with Amanda and having Berlin as his inspiration, but it worked. and the judges like his design.<br />
<br />
since this was the last challenge before the final, the judges always ask why each designer should go to Fashion Week and who should go with them. i love this because i like to see who the other designers think are good too, and i was a bit surprised by some of the designers choices.<br />
<br />
Stanley said Daniel and Michelle<br />
Patricia said Michelle and Stanley<br />
Layana said Michelle and Stanley<br />
Daniel said Stanley and Michelle<br />
Michelle said Stanley and Layana<br />
<br />
it's pretty clear the top two favorite designer are Stanley and Michelle, and i agree. i find it funny that no one really thought about Layana, she just isn't as good as she thinks she is, and the other designers know it. and poor Patricia, no one really cares to see what she can do. i really think it's because we haven't seen anything from her, not really. she always sends down half-finished designs or revamped ideas because she bit off more than she could chew. i think with more time, what Patricia has to show us might blow us away. but maybe not.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ijZIG0awWik/UaUU6pTBHJI/AAAAAAAABEc/oQQjgRhB7LA/s1600/prs11e12loser.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ijZIG0awWik/UaUU6pTBHJI/AAAAAAAABEc/oQQjgRhB7LA/s400/prs11e12loser.jpg" width="267" /></a>the designers off to Fashion Week:<br />
<b>Stanley</b><br />
<b>Daniel</b><br />
<b>Michelle</b><br />
<b>Patricia</b><br />
<br />
the designer out:<br />
<b>Layana</b><br />
<br />
of course i've been waiting for this moment for a while. i think i wouldn't have minded seeing a show from her at Fashion Week, but she needed to go. i like how the judges were saying that she is just a ready-to-wear designer, not really a high fashion designer. i agree 100%.<br />
<br />
<i>Project Runway</i> aired on Thursday nights on Lifetime.<br />
<br />
(photos from <a href="http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway" target="_blank"><i>Project Runway</i> on myLifetime.com</a>)Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-16163540565493854352013-05-28T19:59:00.000-05:002013-05-28T19:59:03.818-05:00the boob tube: Project Runway s11 e11where, oh, where has the time gone?<br />
<br />
the boy informed me the other day that i still have five (FIVE!) <i>Project Runway's</i> recorded on our DVR. that's over 7 hours of valuable real estate taken up by <i>Project Runway -- </i>the <i>Lifetime </i>network is really good at milking this tv program, and the usually hour-long episode is drawn out to an hour-and-a-half (in an added bonus, the last three episodes have been drawn out to two hours). good thing i record this crap because that's a lot of commercials to sit through.<br />
<br />
in a perfect world where i have my shit sorted out, this would've been finished by now -- i would've had each recap done the day after the show originally aired, but who are we kidding? in a perfect world i wouldn't already know who is the winner of season 11. i know who won so i'm dragging my feet on finishing up this season. however, i am dying to see where Layana gets eliminated. let's get this show on the road.<br />
<br />
<b>*spoilers! </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
oh, the top five.<br />
we have left standing: Stanley, Michelle, Patricia, Daniel and Layana. at this point, i really think Stanley and Michelle are the top designers, and i really would like to see them go all the way. i'd be happy with either of them as the winner. the other three are just so-so.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-y8rO42Z5Wjg/UZ5s8wxZf7I/AAAAAAAABDs/m5z3OFG94wQ/s1600/prs11e11designers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="268" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-y8rO42Z5Wjg/UZ5s8wxZf7I/AAAAAAAABDs/m5z3OFG94wQ/s400/prs11e11designers.jpg" width="400" /></a>Daniel has had some great ideas and is an impeccable sewer, but his taste can be questionable every once in a while. sometimes he is missing the youth factor in his designs.<br />
<br />
Patricia is just too big for this competition. she has some crazy-ass design ideas, and she can never execute them. she would be someone who could use a few days to work on these challenges instead of the day allowed. i feel we haven't seen what she is really capable of producing.<br />
<br />
Layana, oh Layana. i'm not a huge fan of hers -- if you haven't been able to tell. i think her designs are just okay; nothing extraordinary that sticks out in my mind as something amazing but none of it is terrible. i feel that she always skirts by elimination (no pun intended), but she has the ego to tell you that she is the cat's meow. <br />
<br />
this week's challenge is the editorial look for <i>Marie Claire</i>, a chance for the designers to have their design in print and worn by Jordana Brewster -- very prestigious. Nina has a long list of things she wants to see and not see -- pay attention designers. i love it when they don't listen to directions because how much more clearer does Nina need to be? what's also nice about this challenge is that the designers get to work on their own, finally. the show is bringing in help for this challenge in the form of past designers who have been eliminated. welcome back Richard, bring on the drama!<br />
<br />
the pairs are:<br />
Stanley and Tu<br />
Michelle and Amanda<br />
Daniel and Samantha<br />
Layana and Kate<br />
Patricia and Richard<br />
<br />
no one wanted to work with Richard. poor Richard. everyone was freaking out about the possibility of being paired up with him again, and Patricia, the poor soul, got stuck with him. the look on her face was priceless when she was paired up with him because it doesn't help that they just worked with each other in the previous challenge, and it just about killed Patricia. i foresee someone's death. i love her quote, "i don't even remember how to pray anymore because of working with Richard last challenge." she's all out of prayers people! what's a girl to do? Richard just isn't up to Patricia's level technically, and Patricia has a hard time explaining what the fuck is going on in her head. this is a disaster waiting to happen, again.<br />
<br />
what about Stanley? holy cow. he was insane. i felt really bad for Tu. i think at one point Stanley was yelling at Tu for smiling and laughing, basically breathing. i'm surprised that Tu was allowed bathroom and food breaks. good lord, Stanley is in it to win it for sure. i guess you miss these kind of things when the designers are working in teams and one having to be accountable for their actions towards their teammates on the runway. i liked Stanley when he wasn't all crazy and shit.<br />
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all in all, the other designers seemed to work smoothly with little drama. Daniel finished using Samantha and let her go help Patricia and Richard, what a guy! Layana thought her design was a gift from God. and Michelle didn't listen to directions. she didn't care because she thought she had the best design. it was a pretty kick ass design. however, when Nina said that she didn't want a t-shirt and jeans (pants) going down the runway and a t-shirt and pants is exactly what Michelle gave her, i think she might have a little problem.<br />
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<br />
let's talk about the designs:<br />
<br />
<b>Daniel </b>- it's a whole lot of yellow and linen, really. all in all, the design is okay. i really liked the shorts and the jacket but not the two of them together. like the judges suggested, the jacket would've been nice with a soft flowing skirt. what's funny was it looked like Layana was going to vomit when this design when down the runway. little dramatic, aren't we Layana?<br />
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<b>Layana </b>- this was a nice design. i thought the leather could've been softened up a bit like Patricia mentioned, but that's just me personally. i liked the hard of the leather and the soft of the skirt together. very nicely done.<br />
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<b>Michelle </b>- i loved this look. i loved the t shirt and the leather trim. i loved that is was transparent and you could see the black bra underneath. loved it. i'm not a huge fan of the peg pant, but it worked here. Michelle has great taste, but she didn't follow directions. this could send her home, and i don't want her to go home. <br />
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<b>Patricia </b>- this was okay. it would've been nice to see what she intended to send down the runway but couldn't because she didn't have the proper help. i feel that is what happens a lot to Patricia's designs. she just bites off way more than she can chew. what she sent down the runway was just ordinary and poorly made.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NpQ1mkhJb4A/UZ5tZDUDxzI/AAAAAAAABD8/AWOUVsamTfE/s1600/prs11e11winner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NpQ1mkhJb4A/UZ5tZDUDxzI/AAAAAAAABD8/AWOUVsamTfE/s400/prs11e11winner.jpg" width="267" /></a><b>Stanley </b>- this was a cute design. the culottes kicked ass and the tank under the jacket was super cute. i just didn't like the jacket, mainly the color. but all in all this design was spot on and flawless, just like Stanley. good thing he rode Tu hard.<br />
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the winner: <b>Stanley</b>. no questions about it. his design was cute and fashion forward and perfect for <i>Marie Claire</i> and Jordana Brewster.<br />
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the loser: <b>???</b> no loser! what the fuck? actually i'm very glad about this because it was looking that it would be Michelle and i really think she is the best designer and because i know who the winner of the season is, of course Michelle can't be eliminated.<br />
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this episode ended with a "to be continued..." so it will be very exciting to see what will happen to Michelle next week. it looks like the designers are going to other countries for inspiration, wow! they spared no expense this season. i'm sure it's to say sorry to the contestants who made it this far for being stuck doing teams this entire season.<br />
<br />
<i>Project Runway</i> aired on Thursday nights on <i>Lifetime</i>.<br />
<br />
(photos from <a href="http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway" target="_blank"><i>Project Runway</i> on myLifetime.com</a>)Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-3682107137437546662013-05-13T14:10:00.000-05:002013-05-13T14:10:07.455-05:00life via picturesas always, it's been awhile.<br />
i'm still here. living, working, reading, watching way too much television and doing nothing of importance. ugh.<br />
the boy and i fell into a tv watching pit -- you know that pit. the one you fall in over a show that has been on tv for awhile so you are able to watch episode after episode until you catch up to it -- for us it's <i>Pretty Little Lairs</i>. i can't get enough of that show. who the fuck is A? how much money does this A person have (because he/she/they are spending a small fortune making life hell for four high school girls)? why? so many questions, so few answers.<br />
<br />
here are some pictures of life lately. i am obsessed about making stick figure pictures at work. i can't get enough of it. they are usually the same figure but i can't stop.<br />
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Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-12469349162399721302013-04-30T16:29:00.001-05:002013-04-30T16:29:06.411-05:00the boob tube: Project Runway s11 e10i just realized that <i>Project Runway</i> season 11 has finished and a winner has been chosen. oh boy! i still have four episodes to watch. i am going to try my best to not see who the winner is, but i'm sure when i go onto <i>Project Runway's</i> website i'll see who it is. so let's get this party started.<br />
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<b>*spoilers! you've been warned.</b><br />
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this episode of <i>Project Runway</i> was a good one -- i think i always say that for every episode, oh well. this was the episode where the designers get to design there own fabric. i always love this challenge. i love the idea of making one's own fabric, but i am always disappointed because the fabric the designers' designs never looks any good. they are always too geometric for me. let's think outside of the box people.<br />
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the other part of this challenge is to make two pieces; a wearable work of art inspired by the Guggenheim and a ready-to-wear complimentary piece. a lot is at stake with this challenge because not only are we very close to the end, the winner of this challenge gets a nice cash bonus. so everyone is in it for the money.<br />
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again, the teams have been reorganized:<br />
<b>Stanley and Michelle</b> - a dream team.<br />
<b>Patricia and Richard</b> - impending disaster.<br />
<b>Layana and Daniel</b> - should be okay but i feel that Layana might not play nice.<br />
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this episode. oh, this episode. i am going to come out and say it, i don't like Layana. she is whiny and bitchy, and she thinks her shit don't stink, but it does. i like that Heidi questioned her design and taste during the runway show because everything that Heidi brought up about Layana is true. i don't recall any design of hers sticking out as being amazing. i even looked at her portfolio online after this episode to see if i am missing some extraordinary design from her. sure some of her stuff is nice, but her portfolio doesn't justify her cocky attitude one bit.<br />
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i even went back to re-watch her and Daniel working together in this episode because of how she acted on the runway. i had to see if i was missing her design the piece that Daniel did. in doing so, i didn't see anything that pointed to Layana working on Daniel's piece like she claimed during the critique. she said that she put in 50% into his piece, but i didn't see it -- this could be an editing issue with the show -- but there was no evidence to support her claim that she put in any effort into Daniel's design. what we saw in this episode was her lack of creativity catching up with her. Daniel had to spend a lot of time talking her off a ledge and getting her to come up with something to send down the runway. i really think that Daniel should have done the wearable work of art and Layana the ready-to-wear piece. <br />
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Patricia and Richard were a hoot to see working together. this was the first time Patricia had to play the babysitter with her partner because she has always been the one who was babysat. ha! like when they were at <i>Mood</i>,<i> </i>and Richard was going for the crystals, and Patricia was all like stay away from the crystals. however, Richard was totally out of his league, and his lack of design knowledge caught up with him. he was a fish out of water in this episode. oh poor Richard. i really hate to see him go, but i think this might be his end. working with Patricia didn't help either. Richard, or anyone for that matter, needs a translator to understand what Patricia is up to, and Richard was just out of his element with her. watching Patricia trying to describe what she is doing and Richard not understanding a single thing she is saying was the key moment; he just totally shut down. we cannot forget about that bracelet of Richards. when he was all like "fashion was born this morning," i wanted to die.<br />
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Stanley and Michelle were amazing together. they understood each other and were a perfect team. really, there is not much to say about them. no fighting, no misunderstands, just totally collaboration. i even loved the fabric they designed. it wasn't geometric like the other two teams; it was interesting and different. of course Layana had to put her two cents in and say that she didn't like Stanley's dress. i just wanted to say "girl, just worry about your own hot mess of a dress because that shit looks like a high school art piece hot-glued together. how much more shit are you going to tack onto the chest?" good lord, i can go on and on about Layana, but i don't want to waste any more time. <br />
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so let's talk about the designs:<br />
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<b>Layana and Daniel</b><br />
the wearable work of art - it was a disaster. there was no direction. it was a hodge-podge of crap just piled on.<br />
ready-to-wear piece - i felt it was all Daniel, and it was a great piece. the jacket kicked ass. the shoulders were amazing and it was youthful.<br />
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<b>Patricia and Richard</b><br />
wearable work of art - this was all Patricia, and you could tell. i really liked it. it was crazy and bold and outside of the box.<br />
ready-to-wear piece - this was all Richard, and it was not good. the skirt was a tragedy, but at least he did try something different. it just didn't work.<br />
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<b>Michelle and Stanley</b><br />
both of their looks were amazing. i loved them. Michelle's jacket was beautiful and the painted train was an added bonus. Stanley's ready-to-wear dress was lovely, i felt a little big looking, but still lovely. and his idea of making the wearable work of art dress out of bubble wrap turned out really nice. bravo!<br />
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the winners: Michelle and Stanley. <b>Stanley </b>went away with the prize. hands down they where the best team. the judges loved their design, they even loved the fabric they designed. that fabric could have gone either way, them hating it or loving it. i loved it.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-18uKZc6wbMg/UYAynHek9UI/AAAAAAAABDI/oxFUkHdBWec/s1600/prs11e10losers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-18uKZc6wbMg/UYAynHek9UI/AAAAAAAABDI/oxFUkHdBWec/s320/prs11e10losers.jpg" width="320" /></a>the losers: Patricia and Richard. and my favorite, <b>Richard </b>was sent home. to quote Richard "i need to stop the cameras and get some oxygen because i am passing out right now." love him and i'm going to miss him. he had some great quotes. it was his time to go, and i did think he was the weakest designer at this point in the competition.<br />
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<i>Project Runway</i> airs on Thursday nights on <i>Lifetime</i>.<br />
<br />
(photos from<i> <a href="http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway" target="_blank">Project Runway</a></i><a href="http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway" target="_blank"> on mylifetime.com</a>)Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-67546446794793344512013-04-25T20:31:00.003-05:002013-04-25T20:31:52.316-05:00a film review: To the Wonder<div>
<b>*spoilers!</b></div>
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(insert huge sigh.)<div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_Jx8llPzLUk/UXnYNbVlOQI/AAAAAAAABCk/T7hp4E--QHE/s1600/tothewonder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_Jx8llPzLUk/UXnYNbVlOQI/AAAAAAAABCk/T7hp4E--QHE/s640/tothewonder.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<i>To the Wonder</i> in a nutshell is about the "manic pixie dream girl" wanting to get married and then hates her married life, or that is what i took away from this film. IMDb has the plot summary as, "after visiting Mont Saint-Michel, Marina and Neil (i didn't know their names until the credits) come to Oklahoma, where problems arise. Marina meets a priest and fellow exile, who is struggling with his vocation, while Neil renews his ties with a childhood friend, Jane." i got that plot, but it was lost in between Marina (Olga Kurylenko) dancing EVERYwhere. good grief. </div>
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i knew what to expect going into this film, so i wasn't taken by surprise. after all this is what a Terrence Malick film is. epic shot after epic shot of a beautiful tragically thin women dancing lyrically through a wheat field or forest or grocery isle, set to a piece of classical music. it could almost be a modern dance piece, but it is not a modern dance number. it is a film that is trying to tell some kind of story that i inevitably have to visit Wikipedia after i see it to try and comprehend what i just saw. i'm looking at you <i>Tree of Life</i> because i did not understand that film at all. i actually left the theater feeling very stupid because the boy totally got it and thought it was the most amazing thing ever. sure, it was beautiful beyond belief, but what the fuck was it about?</div>
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this may come to you by surprise but i love Malick, i do. i loved <i>Badlands</i>, adored <i>The Thin Red Line</i> and was enchanted by <i>The New World </i>(i never saw <i>Days of Heaven</i>.) Malick's vision and how he tells a story through images and music is right up my alley, and i fell in love with each of his earlier films. you can get lost in his films, and i love that feeling like you are connected to his art. i feel, however, that the older i get the less i buy into this pretentious bullshit from artists. and i feel that Malick has fallen into that category for me with these last two films of his.</div>
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i was young when i saw <i>Badlands</i>, <i>The Thin Red Line</i> and <i>The New World</i>. i ate them up with vigor. i was a pretentious college student who only enjoyed art-house films or foreign films. hell, i think my last few years of high school and into college that was all i ever watched. me and the boy would spend all of our money at the independent cinema in Minneapolis. but i got older and saw <i>Tree of Life</i> and thought to myself "i think i must have been much smarter when i was younger because this shit lost me at the dinosaurs. where did my brain go?"</div>
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<i>To the Wonder</i> just annoyed me. the entire time i kept on thinking that if i ran into this Marina women i would want to kill her. she is manic and all she does is play, like she is a child. i get that her character is actually supposed to be manic. she seems to be having problems that could steam from her IUD (a contraceptive), so her emotions are all over the place. but i just wanted to slap her. </div>
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at the beginning of the film we see the couple, Marina and Neil (Ben Affleck), on the train. Marina is standing on the train's table, she is sliding off her seat and under the table, she is climbing all over Neil, she is being all cute and playful. i just thought, "how fucking annoying. i feel bad for all the people who are sitting by them." when the couple move to Oklahoma, we see them do a lot of domestic life stuff like grocery shopping. again, we see her dancing up and down the isles of the grocery store. if i saw a women acting that way in the grocery store i would call the cops and inform them that "we have someone on LSD, come and pick them up."</div>
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i personally could have used more Javier Bardem and Rachel McAdams because both of their stories seemed really interesting to me. a priest who is having a crisis of faith and a women who is trying to save her ranch because her deadbeat husband lost all their money gambling and who has lost a little girl. but i don't want to sit here and critique this film because it is what it is, a Terrance Malick art-house film. and with all art each person takes away their own experience, they'll either love it or hate it. </div>
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Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-75211530168724175162013-04-18T10:00:00.000-05:002013-04-18T10:00:07.796-05:00the boob tube: Project Runway s11 e09<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KEfjZaVA2NI/UW3UpYBU1II/AAAAAAAABCE/tHUuPeGNmIs/s1600/prs11e08designers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="271" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KEfjZaVA2NI/UW3UpYBU1II/AAAAAAAABCE/tHUuPeGNmIs/s400/prs11e08designers.jpg" width="400" /></a><b>*spoilers!</b><br />
<br />
i cannot believe that there are only seven designers left (at this point in the blog, because i am behind). the designers are getting tired--physically and mentally--and the cracks are showing. when we get this far into the competition, people start to break, and boy did some of the designers snap in this episode.<br />
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we had the nice little recap of what happened in the previous episode with team slick and hip -- Richard, Samantha and Layana minus Amanda. Richard is still upset with Layana for throwing him under the bus, and Layana is still being a snob. basically none of the female designers like Richard or his designs. of course, there is always more than we, the television audience, sees during the time when the judges ask the designers questions about their work and each other. it seems that the claws came out between Richard, Layana and Amanda. drama!<br />
<br />
and so, the teams have been reconstructed again:<br />
<b>Stanley </b>and <b>Patricia </b>- when Stanley said that he "threw up a little" about being paired with Patricia, priceless.<br />
<b>Daniel </b>and <b>Michelle</b><br />
<b>Layana, Samantha</b> and <b>Richard </b>- let the drama begin. <br />
<br />
the drama this time around wasn't left to just Layana, Samantha, and Richard, but there was plenty present there. Richard just ignored Layana the entire time. loved it! when Layana was going on about sketching on the floor of <i>Lord & Taylor</i>, and Richard was all like "nobody's paying attention to you right now sweetie pie. go flip your hair over there." loved it! basically Richard is all over Layana, and Layana is all over Richard. they are just hating everything the other person does. Layana thinks Richard has no creativity and is just terrible, but really Layana doesn't have a lot to stand behind. her designs have just been okay. i really can't remember anything from her that simply stands out, let alone anything from her that was amazing. she is defiantly very sure of herself, and that is half the battle.<br />
<br />
Stanley and Patricia ran into some drama of their own. they are two very strong personalities, and they are very set in their own ways and design aesthetic. some butting of the heads took place. i really think Stanley knew what he was doing with Patricia though because he totally pull her back down to earth. he called her out on her crazy-ass design, which was great to see. a "Patricia light" design as Stanley called it. she was able to pull together a very nice design in the amount of time allowed because time management isn't a strong suit of hers.<br />
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the shocker came from Michelle and Daniel. they seemed to be working very well together at first, but after Tim's critique Daniel just lost it. he was emotional and all over Michelle for just saying that she thought a 21-year-old wouldn't want to buy his design. he wouldn't let that go. it was a total what the fuck moment. and Daniel just kept on saying that his designs are to "make people happy." i'm all like "we get it Daniel, you design to make people happy. Michelle is just trying to help you with this challenge specifically." good lord, calm down boy. it was a really weird moment. <br />
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this was the <i>Lord & Taylor</i> challenge, with the winning design being reproduced and sold in the stores. always a designer's favorite because who doesn't want to see their design reproduced and sold to the public? however, a lot of the designers took this challenge too literally. too much pink, y'all!<br />
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so let's talk about the designs:<br />
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<b>Patricia </b>- very cute. i was surprised, and i loved the top. it flowed beautifully and looked graceful. i just didn't care for the color. i am like Michelle when it comes to pink. no thank you.<br />
<b>Stanley </b>- a nice little dress. i just thought it was average, nothing special. and it was pink, no thank you.<br />
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<b>Richard </b>- i liked this dress, but i do agree that we have seen this design from him before. it just flowed and looked effortless, and i like that. i have a feeling the judges won't like it.<br />
<b>Samantha </b>- i don't know how i feel about this dress. it's okay. it's very, very young and short. i want to say it's almost too young and the heart cut-out is not my cup of tea.<br />
<b>Layana </b>- it's a very pretty dress. i felt it was a bit old for the demographic. i didn't like the print on the fabric at all. i like that the judges didn't like the print either.<br />
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<b>Daniel </b>- i thought this dress looked old. the color was no good either, i'm right there with you Michelle. Daniel just loved this color, and he is totally standing behind it, oh boy. the styling of the hair was terrible. oh Daniel.<br />
<b>Michelle </b>- the cutest dress. fun and young and no pink. thank you Michelle. my favorite.<br />
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the winning team: Daniel and Michelle and <b>Michelle </b>went away the clear winner. all the judges loved this dress hands down, and i loved it too.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PK4I6rAzRoo/UW3VAYqkHjI/AAAAAAAABCU/3homruC6oiw/s1600/prs11e08loser.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PK4I6rAzRoo/UW3VAYqkHjI/AAAAAAAABCU/3homruC6oiw/s320/prs11e08loser.jpg" width="320" /></a>the losing team: Richard, Samantha, and Layana. the designer sent home, <b>Samantha</b>. which surprised he hell out of me. i thought for sure that it would be Richard. i like Richard, and i want to see him stay, but do i think he should win? i'm not sure yet. but Samantha's dress was not good. it was a hot mess. she is a designer that is very youthful, but i think a bit too young if you ask me.<br />
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<i>Project Runway</i> airs on Thursday nights on Lifetime.<br />
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(photos from <a href="http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway" target="_blank"><i>Project Runway </i>on mylifetime.com</a>)Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417473418675924744.post-26937007298074932002013-04-16T22:21:00.000-05:002013-04-16T22:21:03.460-05:00epic fail: a picture a day!i have been defeated. my lazy ass lifestyle got the better of me, and i wasn't able to keep up with my brilliant idea of taking a picture a day. what is wrong with me? it's just a picture a day. i am and always will be a procrastinator, and that was what the central challenge was with this venture. all i needed to do was to take a picture a day, but my main problem was i never thought to take one. by the time i would settle into bed, i would realize that i hadn't taken a picture. pretty soon all my pictures would've ended up being of my very small bedroom. i don't want to take a picture of my ceiling fan or of my unmade bed or of the lamp without a shade or of my clothes chair. the idea was to better observe the world around me and to work on my picture-taking skills because who doesn't want to be an amateur photographer? everyone, except the boy, wants to be an amateur photographer, and i wanted to be able to use and understand apps other than Instagram (though i do love Instagram).<br />
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my downfall started one day in february when i missed taking a picture (i don't remember the exact date.) then i missed another day and another day. then i just stopped caring - this was also during the period when i was waist deep into my "down in the dumps" time. i didn't care about anything. i tend to be obsessive when it comes to projects like this. when i miss a day or two or three i just want to scrap the entire project because it will not be whole. this notion stems from my days in school when i would take lecture notes. when i was taking notes and couldn't get everything perfect, i would have to rewrite my notes until i had achieved said perfection. if my spacing was off or i misspelled a word and i had written in pen, i would scrap it all and do it all over again. it's really weird what i am obsessive over. </div>
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so i am going to start a new section, one where i share some pictures of my life - i know you are all dying to see what i am up to all the time because i have the most awesome life. i got the idea from the many pretty lifestyle blogs that i am obsessed with because they all do a little picture post, and i love being a voyeur. so here you go, my life through pictures. enjoy.</div>
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Jaclynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629341711861697321noreply@blogger.com0